Wish List
by Fang lover23
Summary: Kendall's having a horrible holiday experience after losing a close relative, until someone sort of unexpected jumps in and helps him pick up the pieces. Slash, Kames


**So, I have NO idea where this came from. I knew I would be writing it, and I thought, "Well, since it's the day after Christmas, I'd better get cracking!" After about 7 hours of writing, this is the final product. I'm still in the Christmas spirit...so, yeah.**

**This takes place when the boys are 17, just a little FYI. Please enjoy!**

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Christmastime was never the most pleasant time for Kendall Knight. He'd had a few Christmases in the past that were just plain unpleasant and several that were nightmares

This year was especially difficult: his grandfather had passed away several months ago, and everyone was having a tough time adjusting to the new arrangements. Being in Los Angeles when they'd all found out was almost too much to endure. Putting the recording on hold for a few weeks, Griffin had allowed all of the boys to fly home to Minnesota to be with their families and attend the funeral.

Kendall's grandfather, Marvin Knight, had always said he had four grandsons. With Kendall's mom being an only child, Kendall and Katie were Marvin's only blood-grandchildren. But once the four boys had become best friends, Marvin had adopted them all as his own grandkids and treated them as such. No one could ever _not_ smile when he was around, and James, Logan, and Carlos (along with Kendall, of course) had _always_ called him Grandpa.

Now here they were, seven months later. The months had flown by since the service, and the whole family had thought that there would be some hitches each holiday considering there was one less plate to set each time. Father's Day, Independence Day, and Thanksgiving had come and gone, and somehow, the pseudo-family of six had adjusted quite nicely in L.A. again. Everyone seemed happy again, and there was no reason to suggest otherwise.

But this was not the case for Kendall. Kendall was suffering. It was all such a surprise for him, his grandfather's passing, and he just couldn't accept it yet. It was very subtle, but he became a little more introverted and sullen, and no one really noticed. People had told him to let all of his feelings about the incident out, but Kendall Knight was more of the 'suffer-in-silence' type.

Little did he know, someone _did_ notice.

Setting up the Christmas tree in apartment 2J on December 11, the boys, under the supervision of Mrs. Knight, were diligently placing the ornaments in a neat arrangement. James, being Jewish, did not celebrate this holiday, but it always made him happy seeing everyone else so joyous during the holiday season, so he joined in with the festivities.

Carlos, surprisingly, was handling the ornaments most delicately. Maybe it was his childlike innocence and abundance of Christmas cheer that made him want to be careful, but this was his favorite time of year and he wanted everything to be perfect.

After finally finishing the last of the decorating, everyone stepped back and admired their handiwork. Kendall wasn't feeling good all of a sudden though. "It looks great, everybody," he said proudly. "I'm just gonna go lay down for a bit. I'm pretty tired." He didn't want to ruin everybody's high spirits with his sudden dark mood.

The other five members of 2J nodded sympathetically. James, however, had an instinct, and decided to follow the blonde once no one was looking.

Sneaking down the hallway to his and Kendall's shared room, James quietly opened the door and assessed what was in front of his eyes.

Kendall was lying on his twin bed facing the wall. The brunette boy in the doorway noticed that his shoulders were shaking slightly, almost as if…as if he'd been…

No, it couldn't be. James had known Kendall for almost his whole life. Why would he suddenly be so upset during the holidays? And about _what_?

"Kendall?" he called out softly.

The boy on the bed jumped minutely turned around to face his roommate. "J-James! Hey, what's up?" he asked while inconspicuously wiping his face on his sleeve.

"Well, I just came in to check on you. I was a little worried; you just didn't look too good out there." He wasn't going to mention that he had probably seen him crying.

Kendall's eyes glazed over and showed no emotion. "I'm fine, James, really. Like I said, I'm just tired. We had a long day today, what with the decorating and all."

James was now in the room fully and was on his way over to sit next to Kendall. He could see through the façade, and he wasn't buying any word of the story the blonde was giving him. "Kendall," he started, lowering himself next to the boy on the bed. "You know you can talk to me about anything. I believe that you're tired, but I can see there's something else bothering you. Please, you can trust me. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Kendall could see that James was truly being sincere, but pushed James away off the bed. "I don't need your help! I'm sorry, but I told you: _I'm fine_. Now please, can I just take a quick nap?" He flopped back over onto his side, turning to the wall once again.

Without a word, the chestnut-haired singer backed out of the room. Kendall's words stung more than they should have. He slumped back down the hall, but this time he went into Carlos and Logan's room. Sitting against the closed door, he buried his head in his knees and sighed deeply.

He knew Kendall hadn't meant to be mean, but it meant a lot since James _really_ liked the blonde; he liked him in a way he shouldn't. He would never really admit it to himself, but he never really planned on falling in love with his best friend. He couldn't let him know now, not when his fantasy man was lying so vulnerable back in their bedroom. He would crack through that wall, James knew that much. But he barely had the guts to talk to Kendall on a daily basis- Kendall always had an unknowing way of immobilizing James' vocal chords- so how would he confront him about this?

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Kendall was still lying on his bed. By this time, he'd wrapped his arms around his middle. He felt no physical pain, but just remembering that his grandfather wasn't going to be celebrating this year was taking a toll on him. The hole he had worked so hard to keep buried was making its way back to the surface, and he silently prayed that the pain would go away. Tears began streaming down his face heart-wrenching sobs threatened to rip through him. He shoved his fist in his mouth to keep from crying out.

The pain was only made worse by knowing that he had probably caused his best friend pain, too. Shoving James away was one of the hardest things he'd had to do. He really _did_ want to open up to him, but he was new to the whole 'someone finally wants to help me' thing. Kendall wasn't used to having someone who wanted to be there for him. He did appreciate everything James did for him, and he desperately craved to tell him that, but the convulsions from resisting the sobs kept him rooted to his spot.

He felt sick. This shouldn't be happening to him during the holidays. He should be out there with the rest of his family celebrating that they still have each other. Instead, there he was, pushing away the one person who was willing to see past the mask; the one person whom he trusted the most next to his mother; the one person he…loved the most.

It literally _killed_ him inside to know that he was harsh to James; that boy was very sensitive. And it only added to the torture that he knew that James would never like him back. He needed to stop getting his hopes up about this. The year was just not going well for Kendall, so why should that all change because it's Christmastime?

He needed someone to save him, but he wasn't necessarily sure _who_ he wanted his savior to be.

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Two weeks later found everyone in bed on Christmas Eve. Everyone in the apartment knew that Santa wasn't real, (even Carlos; they all still believed, however) but the ritual of going to bed early and waiting for Saint Nicholas to come bring them presents was fully evident that evening.

Kendall waited until he heard no noise in the apartment. It was 11:15 p.m.; everyone had gone to bed by about nine. He glanced over at James on the other side of the room, and deeming him far enough into sleep he wouldn't suddenly wake up, he crept out of bed and tiptoed to the door. Opening and shutting it as lightly as he could manage, he silently made his way down the hallway and into the living room.

James, however, _did_ hear Kendall get up. Curious and worried, he got out of his bed as soon as the blonde had shut the door. He waited a few seconds, listening to the retreating footsteps, and slunk out the door once he thought he wouldn't be spotted. He needed to make sure Kendall wasn't going to do anything he'd regret later.

Soundlessly padding down the hallway, James stopped just before the living room and peered around the corner.

Kendall was squatting down in front of the tree, holding something in his hand. From James' hidden position, it almost looked like a...an envelope. He couldn't see the writing on it, and for a fleeting moment, James almost thought that Kendall was cheating and opening his presents early.

So he made his way silently over to the boy to give him a little friendly scare. _No one_ opened presents early. When he was about four feet behind the blonde, James whisper-yelled, "Kendall!"

Kendall twitched harshly, turning around sharply, hands up as if to defend himself. James let out a laugh before he saw the anguish etched onto Kendall's face. He immediately ceased his laughter as he took a good look at his friend: his eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, there were tear tracks down his cheeks, and his breathing was uneven from the now-apparent crying he had just done.

James instantly felt horrible. He reached his arm out to try to relax the boy. "Kendall, I'm _so_ sorry! I didn't realize-"

But Kendall had collapsed to the floor, sobbing hysterically, albeit quietly. Too shocked to move at first, James finally gingerly lowered himself to the broken boy's side and attempted to gather him in a hug. He felt no resistance on Kendall's part, and the boy now in James' arms finally let everything out. He buried himself into the muscular chest of his roommate and went almost limp. He wrapped his arms around James' waist, and they stayed that way until Kendall could calm down enough to speak coherently.

After ten minutes, Kendall became less hysterical. Looking down, James saw that he was breathing a little easier but still clutched the envelope in his hand tightly. Confused, he reached down, and asked Kendall, "May I?"

He felt Kendall nod against his chest. Gripping the object gently, he tugged slightly and felt Kendall loosen his hand around it. Bringing it into the light, James read the name that he saw scrawled along the front: _Grandpa_.

His heart instantly ached. He could find no words to even think about why Kendall had a card for his grandfather. "K-Kendall, what is this?"

There was no answer for a moment, and then, "I just wanted to get him a card for Chr-Christma-mas." Kendall's voice was like a small child's and it broke James' heart. He squeezed his friend closer, all thoughts of his wildest fantasy coming true before his eyes flying out of his mind. All that mattered right then was that Kendall was taken care of.

"It's okay, Kendall; I understand," James cooed softly. He placed a hand on the back of the blonde's neck and held him like a baby, rocking them both back and forth comfortingly.

"No, James, you _don't_ understand!" Kendall suddenly hissed.

James flinched back a bit, surprised at the sudden outburst. "Then _help_ me understand! You've been pushing people away ever since he died, Kendall. Now damn it all, let. Me. In. I can help you. I want you to stop lying to me, to everyone. You're not okay! So please let me in so that all of us can be better." He felt tears in his eyes, and he registered that one slowly ran down his hot cheek as if to prove a point.

The green-eyed teenager bit his lip hard, his mouth forming into a thin line as he tried holding in the pain. "It just hurts. It hurts _so much_, Jamie."

"I know, Kenny," James said back, smiling slightly at both of their childhood nicknames. "It's hurting all of us. He was my, Logan's and Carlos' grandfather, too. Remember?" After he saw Kendall give a small smile, he continued. "But you don't have to go through this alone. I'm here for you, and you should know that already. I just want you to be alright." He realized that it was now or never to confess. "Kendall…can I ask you something?"

He looked a little dazed, but Kendall said, "Yeah, Jay. Anything."

James took a deep breath and began. "I like you, Kendall."

The boy in front of him was dead silent, momentarily overloaded. Once he regained his voice, he squeaked out, "W-what?"

James continued. "I just needed to get that off my chest. It's been tough for all of us, and I didn't want to dump it on you at the wrong time. I've been struggling just about as much as you have with your grandpa, and I've been trying to figure out my feelings for quite a while now. I don't know if you feel the same way, but I-"

He didn't get a chance to finish his statement because Kendall cut him off with a kiss. It surprised both of them, and Kendall quickly pulled away, scared he had caught James completely off guard.

James snapped out of his momentary trance to stare at the blonde. "Kendall…what…?"

"I like you too, James," he said back right away. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I always thought that you would never feel the same way about me, and now," he let out a short laugh. "Here we are. I'm sorry that I've been somewhat of a 'burden' on you guys these past few months. I want to get better." He paused. "I want _you_ to make me better, James."

After several seconds of silence, the tallest member of Big Time Rush launched himself at the blonde. Crashing their lips together, they both fell to the floor in a tangled heap of limbs. "I've been waiting so long for you to say that," James mumbled between kisses.

"Me, too," Kendall replied.

Their kisses became more and more heated as time went on. Their hands began roaming over each other's bodies, and quick as a flash, Kendall began pulling James' shirt up.

But before the article of clothing could get past his neck, he stopped the movement of Kendall's hands. "Wait, Kendall. Are you sure about this? I mean, I'm not in any hurry, and I don't want you to rush into something we might _both_ regret tomorrow. And we, like, _just_ got together. Look me in the eyes and tell me this isn't just you trying to forget- that this isn't you just trying to throw away all the pain, and that this isn't just a one-time fling and that you're not playing me just to get off. Look at me and tell me that."

Soft as a gentle breeze, the blonde lying on the floor brought a hand up to cup James' cheek. He moved it to his neck and brought James' face closer to his. As James searched the bottle-green eyes in front of him, he saw nothing but sincerity and compassion. No lust; just love.

"James," Kendall started. "I want to do this more than you could ever imagine. I've always dreamed about this, and now, I'm starting to realize that I love you, James." He swallowed hard, still trying to catch his breath from their previous activities. "I'm in love with you James Diamond."

As the beautiful words reached his ears, James could hardly believe them. Somehow he found the courage to reply back, "I'm in love with you, too, Kendall Knight."

With tears in their eyes, they continued where they left off. Kendall brought James' shirt the rest of the way off and reattached their lips. This time, however, the movements became slower, more sensuous. They simply sat there drinking in each other's taste. Both had gone into sensory overload, but neither seemed to care. Taking more initiative, James removed Kendall's pajama shirt as well, breaking their lip-lock for only a second before diving right back in. As they resumed exploring each other's mouths, James swept his tongue along Kendall's bottom lip, with Kendall immediately granting entrance. He was memorizing every crevice of the beautiful boy's mouth when he hit something in there that made Kendall groan and squirm.

Suddenly, James' pajama pants began to feel _pretty_ tight. It was a musical sound, and James had lost all conscious thought. He instinctively bucked his hips and met Kendall's. Both of the teenagers elicited obscene moans that just heightened their pleasure.

"Ja-James," Kendall breathed from beside him. "Do- do that again!"

Rolling over on top of the writing blonde, James experimentally rolled his hips along Kendall's groin. It was too much for both of them and each ripped their own pants off, leaving themselves in boxers that were about to be ripped open as well. Soon enough, they developed a steady rhythm, each thrust sending them closer and closer to the edge.

"Ken-Kendall," James gasped. "I need you…need you so bad!"

Said boy was gently mouthing at James' neck, sending shivers up and down his spine. "Then take me, Jamie."

Well, that was unexpected. James thought _he_ would have been the bottom. "O-okay. Are you sure you want that?" After receiving a nod, he began removing Kendall's boxers oh-so-slowly. "Then I'll make it amazing for you, babe. But we've gotta be quiet," he said with a devious smirk.

As Kendall was finally released of those damned tight boxers, he said back, "Alright, fine," he chuckled lightly. "And I promise to make it just as good for you next time."

The hazel-eyed beauty's heart skipped a beat at the prospect of a 'next time', and his heart went a-flutter at the thought of him being the bottom during that 'next time.'

Freeing himself of his accursed last article of clothing, James leaned down to engage the blonde in a heated, but passionate, kiss. Under the dim lights of the Christmas tree, their sweating bodies were glistening, and nothing could have been more perfect for either of them.

"I love you, Kendall."

"I love you too, James."

Before they fully began what they were about to do, the clock in the kitchen struck midnight. James whispered to Kendall, "Merry Christmas."

Kendall did a double-take. "What? You're Jewish, for God's sake!"

"I know," the boy continued. "But I should be celebrating the holiday that brought us together, shouldn't I?"

Kendall couldn't argue with that logic, and so they let themselves go. To their hormones, to the love, and to each other.

That was the night that Kendall Knight and James Diamond became one.

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The morning sun broke through the evening clouds to reveal the chilly December Los Angeles air. It was a beautiful day, and even with the lack of snow, the boys wouldn't have wished for a more perfect day.

Waking up slowly, Kendall remembered everything that had happened late last night and early this morning. He lay next to James; both of them were naked and wrapped in blankets that always sat next to the bright orange couch. That had been the single most amazing experience of each of their lives. The high of their escapades of the early hours had not worn off and Kendall felt on top of the world.

Glancing down, he watched his lover slumber. He knew that during the day, James may have been somewhat hyper and conceited, but staring at the peaceful, serene look on his face when he slept was one of the most beautiful sights the blonde had ever laid eyes on.

_He must be super tired from all of that_, he thought.

But in truth, they both were. No more than five minutes after they'd finished making love, they'd both fallen into a deep slumber, exhausted but filled with love.

As the sun beamed through the windows of 2J, the rays fell upon the face of the angel that lay beside Kendall. He flinched slightly at the light that fell upon his eye, and slowly began making his way out of dreamland. Waking up next to the love of his life may as well have been the same thing. "Morning," he mumbled groggily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Morning, beautiful," Kendall replied, giving James a quick peck on the lips. He swept a lock of hair out of his face and just smiled wider at the gorgeous body below him. "I love you."

"Hmm," James hummed as Kendall ran his hands through his hair. "Love you, too." He went to lay his head down on his lover's chest. "Wait," he said, raising his head to look at Kendall. "What do we do if someone sees us out here like _this_." He made a hand gesture toward their naked bodies.

Kendall just laughed softly. "Let them see. James, honey, they all know us. My mom's known about my crush on you since the beginning-"

"And when was that?" James asked curiously.

"About…oh, I don't know, two…three years?"

"Oh," was all the brunette managed.

"Yeah. And how long have you been eyeing me, Mr. Diamond?"

"Oh, please, don't flatter yourself. About the same as you've been crushing on me." He smiled his brilliant smile.

"Anyway, if it makes you happy," Kendall said. "We can go into our room. We'd probably scar Katie for life if she saw us like this. Ha ha!" he chuckled.

They eventually got their footing, stood up unsteadily, and made their way back to their shared bedroom. Once there, Kendall brought both of his arms around James' waist and walked them both backwards over to his bed, where they laid down, still tangled in the blankets they'd fallen asleep in. Kendall hissed slightly at the pain in his lower back. The pain was alleviated by James rubbing soothing, apologetic circles in the skin there.

"Oh, that feels _so_ good, Jamie," Kendall groaned. "I'm _so_ gonna get you back for that."

"Oh yeah?" James challenged. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

He immediately wanted to take back that statement, for Kendall had just acquired a dangerous look in his eye. Getting on top of James and straddling his hips, he leaned down close to James' ear. Nibbling on his left earlobe, he whispered in a low, husky voice, "Oh, you don't even _want_ to know. But I _can_ tell you that I," He kissed the same ear. "Will." He kissed a cheek. "_Ravage_." Between James' eyebrows. "You," he said with a final kiss to James' lips.

"Bring it, Knight," he growled, accepting the 'challenge'.

As they came together once again, they pulled back quickly. "Merry Christmas, Kendall."

"Happy late Hanukkah, James. Thanks for being the best present ever." And then they immersed themselves in another hot, passionate kiss.

_I'm not Grinch_

_I'm not Mr. Scrooge_

_My heart just needs your light_

_The only thing I'm doing_

_Is crying in my room and singing_

_I wish my baby would be with me_

_Tonight_

_Wish as I may, wish as I might_

_Grant me this one small wish_

_On Christmas night_

'_Cause I don't need candy_

_Or the toys from my youth_

_I just want you, oh darling, I just want you_

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**Oh wow. That turned out a little hotter than I planned on. And I know I was definitely not planning on Kendall being the bottom. -dies- I'm not the biggest fan of Kendall on bottom, but I guess I made this work...it was a little bit of a challenge, and I'm glad I tried that out. :)**

**Merry Christmas and Happy Holdiays!**

**R & R! Review and critiques are much appreciated. :)**

**PS: Please look up the song this story is based off of (and the one who's lyrics are supplied at the end of the story). It's called "Wish List" by Neon Trees. If you liked their song "Animal", you'll definitely like this one. :)**


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